more jokes ......

A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a storming row and began wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the cr*p out of each other.

The Police got called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appeared in court. The fight continued in the court room until the Judge finally brought calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court!"

The court room went silent and Paddy (the best man) stood up and said, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The Judge agreed and asked Paddy to take the stand.

Paddy began his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.

"Well", continued Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leaped over the table, ran towards us, and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The Judge instantly responded: "God.. that must have hurt!"

Paddy replied, "HURT ?? It broke 3 of my fingers!!!"

:yelrotflm :yelrotflm

ONE TIRED SOLDIER

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifee is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant".
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir,you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man
left for his holiday in Miami Beach, where he was to meet
his wife the next day at the end of her business trip to Minneapolis.

They were looking forward to nice weather and a good time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding
gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He
tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not
responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
When he arrived at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was
having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably
hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his
wife would arrive as planned.

He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent
his wife an e-mail, but in his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.
His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before.
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the
monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.
Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife, Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in.
Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband.
P.S.: Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

This bloke goes to the pub and gets absolutely p*ssed out of his head at closing time as he gets up to go he falls flat on his face. He decides to crawl to the door before standing up again but as he does he falls flat on his face again so he decides to crawl home. When he gets to his door he stands up but once again falls through the door and flat on his face so he crawls upstairs to the spare room to avoid the missus and as he tries to stand up to get undressed he falls flat on the bed and crashes out.
The next morning his wife wakes him up and says, You were p*ssed up again last night weren t you?

Yes replies the husband, how do u know?

Well , says the wife, the f****ng pub has just rang and your wheelchair is still there!!!


:yelrotflm :yelrotflm

[jaseyboy]

lol herd em b4, still realy funny tho

[silverscrim]

what does a rovers fan do when they win the FA cup? he puts is gamecube away and goes to bed :yelrotflm :stupid:

[janet]

Good jokes.lol

The 7 dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.

Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them "are you all ok ? ". In the dark distance a voice screams out " burnley are good enough to win the coca cola championship."

Snow White says "Thank God - at least Dopey's still alive!"

:lol: :yelrotflm

Apparently, when stan ternant was burnley manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

:yelrotflm :lol:

how many burnley fans does it take to change a lightbulb ??

as many as you like but none of them will ever see the light

4 surgeons are taking a tea break:

1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."

4th surgeon says "I prefer burnley fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable."



il leave it for now :D

[ollie]

ha bloody ha

[wayneyboy1942]

A mate of mine knows a Rovers fan with a dog,when they lose it howls for ten minutes,does three back flipps and puts it's paws over it's eyes,he asked the dog owner what does it do when they win? He told him he did'nt know he only had him for seven years!!!! :)

[grannyclaret]

Originally Posted by blackburn raver

how many burnley fans does it take to change a lightbulb ??

as many as you like but none of them will ever see the light

they would if they had jack walkers money ,,,,,,, :stupid:

Originally Posted by grannyclaret

they would if they had jack walkers money ,,,,,,, :stupid:

thats the trouble with burnley fans ....YOU LIVE IN THE PAST.....sir jack walker passed away in 2000 we no longer have his money (well not as much )...... ;) :D