Waxing Nightmare!!

[Lippycow]

A friend sent me this Email and i thought i would share it,its the funniest thing i have read in ages..All women will relate and men will just laugh...enjoy

Hair Removal ...

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promisesof easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair andnow...the wax.Read on...
'My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully inmy mind for the next few hours(my guess is the next few days J): 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one ofthose 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub thestrips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart andpress them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair rightoff.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK?!?!?)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It is two strips facing eachother stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicksin so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold
wax' yeah...right!) - I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am SHE-RAH, fighter of all waywardbody hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, Isneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fightingchampionship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right sideof my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretchingdown to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRIIIPPP!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY … !!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and … RRRIIIPPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has causedme so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel inthe glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I seethe hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.
I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is nowcovered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIGmistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know Ineed to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself - 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. This, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cementedmyself to the porcelain!God bless the man who had convinced me a fewmonths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has somesecret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removalbut she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactlywhere the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundownand she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!! Right!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While wego through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax offwith a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodiescovered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water andthen dry-shaving the sticky wax off! By now the brain is not working,dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to needPost-Traumatic Stress counselling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my savinggrace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY …!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens outof my friend. It's sooooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!!

It works!!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice tomy grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothinghurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color … '