never ending story..

[wayneyboy1942]

At this point Liz thought "I'm going to need extra help in finding Gilbert if I'm going to be taking on Monkey stalkers and such like!!!"
So she made a run for it!!! She did'nt stop til she got home and after a fag n a brew she got the phone book out!!!
She looked through the Yellow pages and just as she was giving up hope of finding the help she needed she spotted " Burley Shirley and Cunning Colin Super sluth's no job's to big or small we'll tackle owt!!!"
Well thought Liz "they'll be the ones to take on the dangers and horrors of finding dear old Gilbert!!!" I'll ring em and get them on the case!!!!
So she picked up the phone and dialed the number,,,,

[milly]

hello said Burley Shirley in a very deep voice..she thought well, well this could be a good night if I play my cards right........I need some help in finding Gilbert you sound lie you can accomadate me........yes said Burley Shirley I belive I can.,,,just leave it to me and ..........................

[grannyclaret]

...colin,,he's very cunning you know!he has a twin brother called baldrik..he is comeing over to stay,and we are a very good team especialy good at finding missing people,,,
now then tell me about this gilbert bloke......what was he his last movements....
liz answered quitely ........well he was ......................................

[milly]

wearing nothing and I am very worried about him you see he is a very shy man and it so not like him to run off in this way.......he does not like monkeys so I would like to shake off the family of monkeys and any way the odd monkey is very strange can you keep any on him in case he........

[Kiki]

Got down to any more monkey buisness!So they settled him down with a cup of P.G Tips tea and a Planet of the Apes tape and of Course a bananna then-

[Digsyboy]

there was a knock on the door! "who's that" thought Liz? She knew it wasn't the 3monkeys because she could see them in her garden, sittin ther with their hands on their respective heads - even Fred! Liz opened the door and there was Shirley Crabtree aka BIGDADDY!!!!!!!!! "Hey up" said Burley Shirley, "we are.....Burley Shirley and Cunning Colin, Super Sleuth's, and we're lookingfor Liz", "##!?#" thought Liz", "you better not be looking for Liz, you're supposed to be looking for Brother Gilbert!"Cunning Colin tipped Liz a knowing wink and cunningly said "that as well, mi duck, that as well"...........

[grannyclaret]

just then baldrick arrived on the scene,, sorry i'm a bit late but i neaded a bath urgently ,,the water was so dirty it wouldent go down the plughole,, and liz and colin are sooo fussy,,well im here now so what can i do for you

[Kiki]

They were fortunate to find an old bar of soap labelled" Monkey Brand"it was probably a century old !but everyhing washed up new around the place especially anything neanderthol! when-

[grannyclaret]

After a few drinks Shirley say's "Well lets get down to business!" "We need to start looking for Gilbert!!" Colin adds "Yes I've got a tip off that he was last spotted in Barbados!! and I'll fly out tomorrow to search for him there!!!"
Liz replied " yeah right mate!!!" and added "the last time he was spotted was down Woolies pic n mix counter!!!"
"Well!" said Shirley "Lets start there and re-trace his steps!"
"Just to clear up things why are you looking for your brother after nearly thirty years???" said Colin
" Well he should have got home by now!!!" said Liz with a sniff!
So they set off to the last known sighting of Gilbert Ffing, at the Woolies pic n mix counter!!! When they arrived they were confronted by the sight of....

[Digsyboy]

.....Colin the clumsy clown! He was stuffing his extremely large trousers with chocolates - both soft and hard centres - and trying unsuccessfully not to look suspiscious. "So you are the chocolate snaffler" said Burley Shirley,"Caught in the act!!!!! Arrest that clown and take down his particulars Cunning Colin, at once". Colin carted Colin the clown off the nick with a cunning look on his face, whilst Shirley explained to the others that this was the fiendish fiend that they had been trailing for five years! "Another case successfully sold" and with that, he wandered out of Woolies, after Colin and Colin. Baldrick, Liz and Fred the Monkey (hiding behind an Easter Egg display) stood there thinking "What about Gilbert......?" "They were supposed to be looking for him".........

[milly]

but what the hell he went off and didnt come back said he was going to look for a six pack........he could have gone to Australia and brewed it himself after all it will be christmas soon and we will all have enough to do getting the village all light up......but he is a well loved brother so suppose he will have to be found..........Fred the monkey came out from behind the easter egg stand........easter eggs I say and its not even christmas yet....well said Fred are we going to look at the ale house for Gilbert...Shilr you go on first we will all follow on so off she went...my god she said no rest for me......onward and upward as they say..............

[wayneyboy1942]

They all piled into the pub, and after getting a few drinks under their belts, Shirley started getting rowdy and invited people to have an arm wrestle!!! "I got a plan said Liz!!!" " I know Gilbert had a girlfriend and maybe she could tell us something!!" "her names Molly Minger and she's still living!!!,so I'm told!!!"
"Well that's a start said Fred!!" "I'll get em in and then after a re- match with Shirl I'll get them looking after Molly!!!"
So after the lockin they stagerd off into the night in search of Molly Minger!!!

[Poppy]

who was an ancient night cub singer, at the..

[milly]

golden gates club in Preston.......and my oh my what a minger she was.....any way the gang was about to find out just what Gilbert was up to he was.................