Steven Spielberg is discussing his new film - a movie about famous composers. Sly Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzeneger are all present. To encourage them to appear in the movie, Spielberg lets them choose the composer they each want to play.
"Well," says Stallone. "I've always admired Mozart. I'll play him."
"Chopin has always been my favourite. I'll play him," says Willis.
"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."
"Great," says Spielberg. "And how about you Arnie?" Schwarzenegger replies: "I'll be Bach"
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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each
week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to
understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he
started shouting in the middle of every show:
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was absolutely furious but couldn't do anything about it.
He was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one day the ship sank.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea
with, as fate would have it, the bloody parrot. They stared at each
other with absolute hatred but did not utter a single word. This went on
for a day, then another and then another.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:
"OK, I give up. Where's the fu**ing ship"?
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A warning was issued from the police today not to purchase a dwarf of low IQ that may be for sale in local pubs etc.
A police spokesperson said: "Its not big and its not clever."  |